I resolved go someplace quiet and nifty
Where there would be no loud neighbours,
Competing street preachers, noisy overnight bars,
Door-to-door salesmen, speeding sports cars,
Yelling spouses, belching factories,ringing phones,
And dishonest realtors selling defective homes.
So I switched off my computer in a huff,
Annoyed at pop-ups selling cures for dandruff
And offering me a 'Lifetime Supply of Viagra'.
Telling my better half that I'd terribly miss her,
I packed some clothes and a typewriter
And made for the largest desert in Africa.
I stopped in town for a final "civilised" meal
Because I still had half an hour to kill.
As I took a beef sandwich and a milkshake
I was blasted with more advice than I could take:
'Drink Coke', Watch Your Weight', 'Eat Popcorn',
'Hug a Friend', 'Discover Christ','Shun Porn',
'Read Chomsky', 'Bomb Iraq', 'Use Protection'.
The relentless salvo of unrequested information
Was coming from posters, radio and television
And as I left the cafe covering my ears,
A hawker tried to sell me a CD by Britney Spears
And an insurance agent bored me to tears.
I reached my destination two days later:
An oasis bang in the middle of the Sahara.
No buildings, streets or roads - it was so good
(I had to be air-dropped like relief food).
I was beyond the last microchip and plastic bag,
I was so happy, I gave a tree a hug!
There were several peaceful animals about:
Monkeys, birds, elephants drinking with the snout,
And just as I pulled out my manual typewriter
Thinking that a place to write couldn't be better,
I felt a light tap on my right shoulder
And turned round to find a smiling realtor
Asking if I wanted to rent the oasis now or later!
(c) Alex N Nderitu
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