I dashed in and asked what was going on and she said, ‘I just don’t love you any more.’
I said, ‘Come on, whatever the problem is, we can solve it, see a marriage counselor…’
She went ballistic, yelling: ‘I’m going! Don’t make this harder than it has to be:
Goodbye, sayonara, see ya, one love, Jah bless, farewell, hasta la vista,
Quin 'ec, na'j wetz, g'o i ma de, kwaheri, musa' ku' la, khau bulyghyz, ta-ta, ciao,
Lok reer apth, tot ziens, adios, au se lako mada, bo yi bo wa, au revoir, cheerio,
Auf wiedersehen, fari malshun, su'e je, zoi kien, shalom, peng an, ka odi, chao,
Selamat tinggal, nsaala kiambote, adzzislytödz, nya'aamh, shevbash, aloha,
Ovwa, vale, eddi, puang toi, hágoónee', farvel, nah méchwik, salám, poka, tofa,
Sangke bedait, ayubowan, adjö, matayaa, arvey, rhonanai and sizobonana!’
Needless to say, her sudden desertion really took me aback.
She couldn’t cook or clean but, boy, was she stacked!
She, however, refused to have children, saying they’d ruin her figure.
Anyways, I went to this seminar by a famous motivational speaker
And, pacing to and fro, he cried: ‘A setback is a setup for a comeback!’
I was shouting in agreement when I noticed a lady in the front doing similar.
We talked after the seminar and it turned out she had also been emotionally hurt.
She wasn’t stacked like my ex-wife but she had the most beautiful heart.
Today we have four kids and have vowed to never say “goodbye” to each other.
(I know it sounds weird, but we don’t even say “Goodbye” when we part.)
Words cannot describe my surprise when my ex-wife put in an appearance yesterday.
She said something about letting bygones be bygones and could we be friends?
I told her that the only ‘bygones’ were her looks (Did she expect them to last forever?)
And, no, we couldn’t even be friends – I won’t let my happiness get ruined like her figure.
‘I have the kids I always wanted and sometimes the ice cream van passes by
And they nag me for money and I always give it just to see their faces light up with joy.
As for you: Goodbye, sayonara, see ya, one love, Jah bless, farewell, hasta la vista,
Quin 'ec, na'j wetz, g'o i ma de, kwaheri, musa' ku' la, khau bulyghyz, ta-ta, ciao…
In short, a million times goodbye!’
(c) Alex N Nderitu
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