Sunday, November 14, 2010

Tom Cruise is My Dad (And Other Blatant Lies) (Lyrics)

Hi. My name is Alex and I am a habitual liar. I go around saying things like…

Tom Cruise is my dad,
Hulk Hogan is my bodyguard,
I can run rings around Paul Tergat,
I was the man on the grassy knoll,
I’ve slept with Beyoncé Knowles,
I taught Jackie Chan everything he knows
(But I didn’t teach him everything I know),
Spiderman got caught in a tangled web,
Elizabeth Taylor has never wed,
Roses are blue and violets are red,
I invented the World Wide Web,
Mother Teresa was richer than billionaire Ted,
Elton John and Ellen Degeneres are getting married,
I’ve got a diamond bigger than the Pink Panther,
The Best Hip Hop Album Award goes to Bill Gaither!
I can rap faster that Twista,
The judge’s verdict on Bill Clinton was that “Viagra works”,
No, honey, you don’t look fat in that,
The cheque’s in the mail,
I wasn’t laughing AT you, I was laughing WITH you,
I can stop smoking any time I want to
And so on…

But the biggest lie I’ve ever told
Was when I told everyone I know
That I never loved you
And your leaving didn’t mean a thing
Because the day you left was the darkest day of my life
And all the lies were an attempt to cover up the void inside.
In fact, if I wrote the story of my life
And failed to confess my love for you
And the book somehow turned out to be worth its weight in gold,

(c) Alex N Nderitu

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