Saturday, May 7, 2011

APPRENTICE FEVER: The Art of Being Like Donald

It’s brutal, it’s tough – it’s business.’ – Donald Trump

When New York property magnate Donald Trump (Estimated net worth: $USD 4 billion) decided to produce and star in his own reality TV show, “The Apprentice”, some years ago, few would have guessed how successful the marathon job interview was going to be. It not only became the highest-rated show on NBC but inspired a slew of other corporate reality TV shows. Global in its appeal, “Apprentice” fever has reached Kenya and young entrepreneurs can be heard discussing the show in their offices and elsewhere. But too much of any good thing can be poisonous: A couple of beers at your favourite pub after work may be par for the course but more than that and you’re likely to take out one of Esther Passaris’ street lamps on the drive home. So if you notice the following signs in your behaviour, then you’ve been watching TOO MUCH ‘Apprentice’:

  1. When you’re breaking up with a girlfriend / boyfriend, you say: “You’re fired!”
  2. Before making a major decision, you always consult two people (a man and a woman.)
  3. Whenever you meet a friend, the first thing you do is give him a summary of what you did last week.
  4. Your favourite song is ‘Money, money, money…money!’
  5. It takes you more than ten weeks to hire a single employee.
  6. You keep separating the male and female employees at your workplace in order to see which group is tougher.
  7. When your child annoys you, you tell him to meet you in the boardroom later on.
  8. Each week, you assign tasks to your children and ask them to choose their own project managers.
  9. You have moved from the suburbs into a luxury apartment in the middle of the city.
  10. You have blocked out all the windows of your office / boardroom and dimmed the lights.
  11. You have redecorated your office in red and gold to resemble Trump’s. You have even gone as far as hiring a new receptionist called Robin.
  12. Before firing an employee, you ask him how many people he’d like to bring to the boardroom.
  13. You have emblazoned your name on all your property (house, car, lawnmower, tea cups etc)
  14. Every time your company develops a new product, you name it after yourself.
  15. You have started writing business books whose major theme is to “think big.”
  16. You get sick every time you the name “Ivana” (Trump’s controversial ex-wife.)
  17. You quite often wear a red “power tie” to go with your dapper business suit.
  18. More than once, you’ve appeared in the office in a tuxedo (to show that you’re often invited to formal events.)

(c) Alex N Nderitu

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